Take what we can on Brexit and scarper — the longer this goes on, the more likely we won’t leave at all
HERE’S the good news. The people of the UK are happier than they have been for years.
This is according to the World Happiness Report.
While the rest of the world is sinking into psychological depression, we’re much more upbeat.
Some of the British Press reporting this have used those dread words: “Despite Brexit . . . ”
It wouldn’t occur to them that it might be BECAUSE of Brexit.
I suspect for 52 per cent of us that’s pretty much the case. Maybe to keep up levels of national happiness we should leave horrible, authoritarian bureaucracies every year. Just to put a grin on our faces. I mean, the French don’t seem very happy, do they?
MAY'S DEAL IS AWFUL
But here’s the bad news. Theresa May is still Prime Minister and we’re currently heading for a Brexit which would be a travesty of the one we voted for in 2016. If we get Brexit at all.
Some of the Brexiteers in Parliament think we might still be able to escape the EU with a No Deal, on World Trade Organisation terms. I think they are deluding themselves.
Parliament, which is two to one in favour of NOT leaving the EU, simply will not let it happen.
And the EU, desperate to retain its market for goods in the UK, will make sure it doesn’t happen, too.
Our Brexiteers are right that Theresa May’s deal is awful. But if they get a chance to vote on it again, they should hold their noses and vote in favour.
Because I reckon it’s that or nothing. We will have a delay, the EU may insist we hold a second referendum as a condition of that delay.
And trust me, the second referendum will be rigged in favour of remaining in the EU. It will not be a straightforward in or out option. There will be three options, to split the Leave vote down the middle.
WE HAVE BEEN CHEATED
In this fight to leave the EU, the British people have had everything against them. The EU, obvs. But also the House of Commons and the puffed-up, ludicrous, pro-Remain speaker John Bercow. And the House of Lords, the civil service and the BBC.
The lesson for us low-born, powerless Leavers is to take what we can and scarper before the whole idea is killed stone dead. Which I fear it may be.
And now Mrs May is heading back to Brussels to plead for a delay in triggering Article 50.
All along she has been too obsessed with the process of leaving the EU, rather than the clear imperative as demanded by the British people — to simply LEAVE the EU, all of it.
She has followed Brussels’ agenda at every twist and turn. And she’ll be following it now. She’ll do what the EU wants.
So here’s the deal, as I see it. Give her hopeless proposal one more chance and this time vote for it.
We will have been cheated, but not as badly as if we do not leave at all.
Because the longer this goes on, the more likely that outcome will be.
Old bill is not PC police
THIS country becomes more deranged by the very hour.
A Roman Catholic journalist claims she may face JAIL because she referred to a transgendered person by the sex assigned at birth, rather than the one she now identifies as.
Caroline Farrow has been told she must attend a police station for a taped interview.
She said: “I have pointed out to police that I am a Catholic journalist/commentator and it is my religious belief that a person cannot change sex.”
Quite. Biologists would argue exactly the same.
When is this madness going to stop?
And don’t the Old Bill have better things to do with their time?
First to Finnish
FINLAND is the happiest country in the world, according to the World Happiness Report.
Why should this be? Are they simply delighted they’re not Swedish?
Other stats might give us a clue.
Finland also has one of the highest rates of alcoholism in the world. And also one of the higher suicide rates.
So they rate highly for happiness because a) they’re all perpetually p***ed b) the sad ones have all topped themselves.
Face the reality
GORGEOUS, pouting Olivia Attwood has been complaining that reality TV stars are prone to mental illness because of the horrible abuse they get online.
Perhaps she’s right. There are some nasty t***ers out there, for sure.
But might it not also be the case that reality TV stars are prone to mental illness anyway, without the trolls?
Being famous just for the sake of being famous appeals to a certain kind of rather fragile, insecure personality, I would reckon.
One step back for peoplekind
THE Oxford English Dictionary has been updated to include the usual raft of gender words. Such as “zir” and “hir” and the horrible “peoplekind”.
I hope they have room next year for these following words I’ve just made up: Togerov – a Bulgarian man who has transitioned to female.
Abbottophobia – the irrational fear that Diane is about to appear on the TV talking complete b******s.
Droll – an internet troll who is nonetheless quite funny.
WYLFWTS (pronounced wilfwits) – someone on a gender studies or media studies course. From the acronym Would You Like Fries With That, Sir?
Our wildlife is being destroyed
IT is time to sort out the gamekeepers – once and for all.
A new study has suggested that they are responsible for the illegal killing of one of Britain’s rarest birds, the hen harrier.
These scumbags are believed to have killed almost THREE QUARTERS of tagged hen harriers. The killings take place on grouse moors.
These moors occupy a vast area of the country.
But they are managed for the benefit of a tiny number of individuals. And the local wildlife is destroyed.
Jack has Scot to be tops
AMONG the names Scottish people gave to their newborn babies in 2018 were Lucifer, Awesome and Adora-belle.
I hope Lucifer doesn’t feel victimised in what is primarily a Christian country. And I hope Awesome doesn’t end up sleeping rough in Sauchiehall Street with wee seeping out of his trousers.
That would be an ironically cruel fate.
But it’s good to see that the most popular name in Scotland for boys was Jack. As in the Union Jack.
Flatties' global warning
A BUNCH of nutters are off to Antarctica.
MOST READ IN NEWS
It thinks there’s a big ice wall at the edge of Antarctica and it’s impossible to get over.
Some of them think that actually the world – and all the stars and planets – are enclosed in a giant dome. A bit like The Truman Show, then.
“Why does the moon give out its own light,” one of them asked. (It doesn’t. It reflects the light from the sun, you moron).
I don’t get these people. Everyone knows the world is triangular, with us at the top, followed by all the good, hard-working protestant countries.
Why should we keep him here?
SO a Sudanese shepherd sexually assaulted some poor bloke in Newcastle because he was disgusted at the immorality in the UK.
That was Zain Osman’s excuse to the court. Well, fair enough. Quite often I’m disgusted at the immorality in modern Britain.
And when that happens I immediately shove my hands down the trousers of the first bloke I see and start tugging on his old fella. Natural reaction, isn’t it?
Mr Osman arrived here illegally. But he was granted asylum. Shouldn’t he be sent back to tend his flock in the vibrant, go-ahead state of Sudan?
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